I hear evil, I see evil, Please lord keep me from being evil.

Ok. Child Custody. **WARNING** I am gonna gripe, moan and complain. Like it or Leave it.

Ok, as you all know, Carl and I have been divorced since October 29, 2007 and separated since September 29, 2006. When he left in September he pretty much disappeared off the face of the earth, we did not hear from him for a few weeks. He didn't call to check on the kids, nothing.

Well a few weeks went by and I get a call he wants to take the kids every other weekend. Great! I could honestly use the break. I'll tell you, if you have never been a mother of three going through a divorce you'll never understand how much help you really need. I always thought I was the one doing all the work for the kids because Carl was always too busy. Let me tell you, when you are instantly stuck into "sole provider" role. It stings. Like a bee! I never realized how much work Carl was actually putting into this. I didn't' notice the little things and never appreciated them (Hmm wonder why our marriage didn't' work??) anyway. I am now doing absolutely everything, housework, kid work, yard work, car work, me work, work, work, work. Its all on me! Wow. How did I do it?

Anyway back to visitation. He took all three kids from Friday at 6 until Sunday at 6. They seemed to have a good time, and wanted to go back, They missed their daddy.

Well this routine went on for months, the only bad thing was, Carl was setting up a custody case and I was not even aware of it. He called PS on me (they found nothing wrong and never even called again), he told friends of mine lies about my parenting skills, and to put it simple he made my life miserable.

Our first child support meeting came about. May of 2007 this was a SMILE meeting. (Start Making It Live able for Everyone). The mediator asked us what we wanted to do about custody, these were Carl's exact words " I want custody of the kids I don't' want to pay child support to that bitch" He said that right to the lady doing the informal investigation. So needless to say I received a letter approx a week later saying I had custody of the children and Carl has reasonable visitation and he has to pay $137 a week in child support.
A few weeks later I receive a letter saying that Carl has objected to this order, so now he can hold off paying support. But the real kicker is, he doesn't want to claim Ethan any longer, he says Ethan is not his and he refuses to pay child support on him. Now that's fine except he now does not have to pay child support on Ethan he also does not want to see Ethan. (as I write this, Ethan is in Ben(daddy)'s office singing E I E I O over and over again. how you turn away a beautiful child like Ethan I'll never know) So we go to court and sometime before Carl objected to this order he has the paternity tested on all three children. The results came back and he promptly took them to our next meeting in August. He presented the results to the referee and she never even looked at them, she said OK. You are no longer legally responsible for Ethan. Now we know that Ethan is not Carl's it is not a secret. It never was from anyone. **side note** Carl and I split up after a year of marriage august of 02 and we were sure that we were never getting back together, well me being the woman who can't stand to be alone, I started dating rob immediately after I left Carl. But not a minute before. I can't say that just talking to rob did not help me come to my decision though. Well long story short, I was desperate for attention and ended up pregnant not more than two weeks after I left Carl. Carl and I were already trying for a baby, so I was not on birth control. Well things did not work out with Rob and I and we split in December of 02. Carl and I decided to work things out in January of 03. I told him my situation and he proceeded to tell me everything will be OK, he will raise this baby as his own and we won't speak another word about it. He is his and that is that. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in May of 2003 and Carl was the best daddy ever up until it came time to pay child support. Yes Carl is on his birth certificate and Ethan does share his last name, but in the state of Michigan that means nothing ** back to story, now that you are filled in** So I had a four year old child on my hands who wanted nothing more than to see his daddy. I was torn up, and had no idea what to do. Well visitation stopped in Mid July, before the results came up, I told Carl that if he did not want all three than I was not going to send just two until the courts told me I had to, well after that, he did not see them again until Thanksgiving of 07. I started to hide it from Ethan and take the kids there every other weekend. It has been going good until our court date in December, he subpoenaed my brother and my sister in law to testify that I was a horrible mother, didn't' work, he filed the wrong paperwork and my lawyer caught it quickly, the session was adj urned until the 26th of February, well at this time Carl has obtained a lawyer and she is not ready, so she adjourns to the 13th of March. well that time also has come and gone, his lawyer had a "family emergency' but wanted to know if I would settle for split custody, the kids stay with me for one week and then with him for one and back and fourth. NO WAY!! I told them I would see them in court as soon as they could get there stuff together. So Ben and I went to see my attorney yesterday afternoon, he seems to think we have a solid case and Carl is floating on clouds, I don't want to curse myself but it seems like this may finally work out. My next date is set for the 14Th of April, lets see if they can hold to this one. I'll let everyone know. So here is my argument with Carl. does he honestly think that he can support these children better than i can? Who does he think has been taking care of them for almost 2 years with no child support, me that's who! I am the one providing for them on a daily bases not 4 days out of the month, i am the one who rubs their back when they are sick, studies homework, fills their prescriptions, goes to teacher conferences!! ME that's who! If he can not afford to pay child support than how is he going to support them full time? I wonder? Well I am done rambling for now, I am gonna go and relax for a bit before I take Ethan to school. You all have a wonderful day and I am sorry if I bored you, I was actually just writing to get my facts straightened out in my head so I know what to tell the judge in a month. I want to be prepared as much as possible.
Until Later
Heather