Ben came home from work today at 9am. Just to rebandage his fingers (He cut them with a circular saw yesterday, and boy are they ugly) Anyway we were standing in the bathroom and he said something that really stuck a cord with me. He is very big on budget, I am not, he is very big on Man vs Woman roles in the household. I am having trouble. Anyway, while he was bandaging his ring finger I jokingly said " I know what you were doing, you were trying to cut off your wedding band finger so you don't have to marry me" He then said " I will marry you, but we both have some things to work on first."
Does this mean he is taking back saying he will marry me? GRR CARL I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME DOUBT MEN! Sorry..exploded. I know what I have to work on, I have to let him run our household. He is the man in this relationship, I have to trust him with mine and our childrens lives. I just don't know how to do this. (Michelle, how do you do it and with such grace and poise?)
I am so used to running the house, paying the bills, grocery shopping, fixing things. All of that. I dont' know how to give up that control. I want to. trust me I do. I just dont' know how. The things we have to work on are me accepting our budget, learning how to let go, and let less things bother me.
I almost feel as if I need to argue. I don't know why, I am so used to arguing that it is nice not to but I feel as if something is missing. Ben works a lot of hours, I wonder if me "acting" upset is a way to get attention? Lord I feel like a child when I actually say that outloud.
This is just the beginning of a long summer of 90 hour work weeks, he leaves before sun up and comes home after sun down.(He is a General Contractor)
I have said on numerous occasions that I am an "attention whore" I need it, I crave it, I can't live without it. He tries so hard, and he does so well , I think I am just scared that I am not going to get it and start to feel like I am in a relationship that I don't enjoy. ( I don't want to have the feeling that I am back with Carl) Ben has no intention of making me feel that way, it just happens while he is out working and taking care of our family. I am think I am just being selfish. I dont' mean to. I swear!
I have never like to be alone, I love having someone home with me. Please tell me that I am just being silly, tell me that he loves me and I am over reacting. He is a 21 year old man who has taken on a woman and her three children. This can't be just a whim. I know he really does love me right?
Anyway, I wanted to share with you what my wonderful 4 year old said yesterday. We were on the way to drop him off at school and the Brooks and Dunn song came on the radio. The corus had just been sung "God must be busy" and Ethan piped up, "Of course god is busy, he's busy making sure we are all ok!
Now I am slacking on my part. Ethan has never been to church. Bailey and Hunter go every week, but Ben and I have never had the guts to take Ethan. he is such a busy body, and he has horrible stranger anxiety. I've never gotten up the nerve to take him.
I wonder how he knows these things, he knows the things that God has made, what he has done for us, he says grace with Ben at the dinner table. He is such a smart little boy. God has blessed me for sure!
Ok I am done for now, I will write more tomorrow!
Until Later
Heather
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
First of all, I'm so glad to find another attention whore! I don't know what it is, but I always want Michael's attention. When I don't feel like I'm getting it, I'll literally stand in front of him and say "Attention me!" Weird, I know. But it's just something I crave and I have to remind Michael of how high maintenance I can be!
Secondly, you're right. Ben has thought this out and obviously loves you and the kids. His statement was a realistic one. He knows that marriage is tough and he just wants to work out the kinks so it's a well-oiled machine when it's time to say "I do." I commend him for that because it shows that he's a smart man and he's not impulsive about serious things such as marriage. I think he's serious about marrying you, but wants to make sure you guys are on the same page about the important things (budget, etc.).
With that said, I don't like the man vs woman remark! lol. Some couples are like that and they find their roles easily that way. With Ben as the man though, he's in charge of the family as a whole. You do need to learn to trust. Not just in Ben, but in God as well. It's hard letting go of control. Afterall, you've done so well with everything up to this point. Otherwise the kids wouldn't be the awesome little people that they are!
I love Ethan's response. God is busy because He's taking care of us, his children. Ethan's so cute!
Funny that you ask how I do it and then end the blog with some comments about God. He is how I do EVERYTHING I do!
I was a pouty, mean, attention whore before I got my heart right...
Church is a good thing, working on things BEFORE marriage is a good thing, a hard working man is a good thing, and being a good mommy is a good thing, too!
Post a Comment